I further understand that sometimes clueless douchebags happen to good restaurants and ruin the experience for everyone else involved.
So what am I waiting for? Absolutely nothing.
#5) Disrespectful Restaurant Patrons
While I realize you received the memo that The Keys are laid back, please have a modicum of respect for the restaurant you happen to be patronizing. PLEASE stop walking into the best restaurants like you are dressed for a night of chicken wings, beer, and flatulence. Nobody dining in a nice restaurant wants to see your wifebeater or faded Schooner Wharf tank top with armpit hair sticking out the sides. I’m not saying folks should wear tuxes and evening gowns, but I repeat: Respect your surroundings even if you don’t respect yourself. Additionally, disrespect comes in more forms than just wardrobe: loud drunken, foul-mouthed behavior (my friend Judie just witnessed this last weekend); loud cellphone chatter; rude behavior to wait staff.
#4) Wait Staff who lie about ingredients
Here’s the deal. If we ask you a question about an ingredient, just be honest with us. If you don’t know, most folks won’t have a problem if you need to ask the chef. We welcome it! Please don’t tell me the dish comes with fresh mushrooms only for it to arrive with those perfectly-cut rubbery beige things from a can. Don’t tell us that your nightly special is “fresh off the boat” grouper when grouper season has been closed for weeks. Don’t tell us that your restaurant has a special FL lobster license after season has been closed for a month and a half. Why the lie? It was Maine lobster, dude. True stories–all of them. Incidentally? We’ve never been back to any of those establishments (2 out of the 3 are in Key West).
#3) Disappearing Wait Staff
No image here cuz the wait staff done disappeared! Patrons are left with empty water glasses and nothing to quench their thirst during the meal. More importantly for the wait staff, that customer could want a second glass of wine or another martini…which means more in tips for you. Now we don’t need to be doted on endlessly (not that it isn’t fun!), but I’d like to see our wait staff at least once between the time our food is placed and our check arriving. Just sayin’
#2) Trigger-Happy Wait Staff
I don’t mean guns, silly. The over-achiever. As in, we’re enjoying the hot appetizers just placed in front of us moments before and 3 bites into it…whaddya know? The friggin’ entrée has been now been placed right next to the still piping hot appetizer! While we’re not always looking to spend 3 hours dining (sometimes it is SO wonderful though!), we have no desire to be students of the Evelyn Wood Speed Diners. Civilized people eat with forks, not shovels…and enjoy tasting their food. S-l-o-w down, please
#1) Obnoxious Children
Yes, The Handsome Captain™ and I are DINKS (Double Income, No Kids) and unashamed. Whether we are spending $30 for lunch or $100+ for dinner, we don’t want to hear screaming children. I can collectively hear every parent say “How could she possibly know what it’s like? She’s never had children.” While that is true, believe it or not…I’ve been a child. I do know this much…my parents wouldn’t have tolerated a public temper tantrum from me for love or money. Nor would they just sit in their seats, oblivious to the shrieking that is disrupting every other diner. Then there are the children whose parents allow them to run all over the restaurant. In this case, they’re not just a disruption to diners but also an accident waiting to happen. A waitress carrying a tray of hot food who trips over a free range kid means both could be seriously hurt. Unacceptable. Parents, these are restaurants–not jungle gyms. Your child’s ill behavior is a reflection of YOU. Kudos to restaurant owners/managers who ask these clods to handle the situation or leave. Those are the restaurants to where we will return.
And there you have it. Prissy’s Top 5. What are some of your’s?